Speaking English! Health tips for the unwary.

I love this Doctor ! (Stolen from an unsigned email!)

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q:Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q:What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is : No Pain...Good!

Q:Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ...... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLOOOO… Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-go od food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arri ving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO! What a Ride!!! '

AND.... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

• 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

Soon be time for this sort of activity again.

Rudi This was taken a couple of years ago.

Maybe we'll soon have warmer weather so I can put Rudi back on a surfboard. Of course this year we'll be getting the ski-boat onto the water. I'll promise to keep blogging the progress of the ski-boat's renovation.

Cheers.

The little blue bug!

This is Gail's little blue bug. It's just like the real car she once had, without all the flower-power stickers. A little fun!

Facebook, should it be blocked by our employers?

I have read blogs about facebook. It's blocked at my place of work with the explaination that we should be doing work not playing around doing social networking.

Is social networking part of work? Well, sometimes! I can see the point of view of our employers, and know that facebook has been guilty of some serious spam via the applications that have been added. After all, millions of people were told they were related to Barack Obama.

So overall I guess it's justified for us not to use it at work. But it saddens me that we can't be trusted to get on with our jobs while simply keeping in touch with others.

Oh well, I'll use it at home.

I'm a pedant when it comes to grammar.

I received this in an email today, and being so pedantic about grammar (thanks to my mother!) I laughed out loud at this one....



Here's a good story.

Proper grammar

On my birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife..

The certificate paid for a visit to a witch doctor living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the witch doctor, and wondered what I was in for.

The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, 'Mmmm, This powerful medicine and must be respected. You take one teaspoonful and say '1-2-3 'When you do that, you become more manly than you ever been in many moons and you perform as long as want.'

I was encouraged. As he walked away, I turned and asked, 'How do I stop the medicine from working? '

'Your partner say '1-2-3-4,' he responded. 'But when she do that, medicine not work again until next full moon.'

I was eager to see if it worked. I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited my wife to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, '1-2-3!'

Immediately, I was the manliest of men. My wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, 'What was the 1-2-3 for?'

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentence with a preposition.

We're in business now.

Greetings, loyal reader(s)

Gail and I have taken steps to protect ourselves during these difficult economic times. We've found a business opportunity, working from home, that is probably the best we've ever found. Not only do we totally believe in the product, but feel it's such a breakthrough that soon the whole world will know about it.

The product is called MAX GXL. It is a wellness and health product that we've been taking for nearly two months now. Frankly both of us have never felt better, a testimonial so often repeated there has to be value to this MAX GXL.

If you, like us, feel it's important to take control of your life and look after your financial future, go to the web page below, check it out, and get in touch with us.

Gail's Website

Crash of Turkish Airlines Flight 1951 at Amsterdam - the media

I really hate the media fueled frenzy over accidents in the aviation business. I read on one blog that fuel starvation was the reason, which is clearly not true. I read that Turkish Airlines were accused of poor maintenance, why? Because the day before the crash they fixed a faulty master caution light.

I have read that the auto-throttles had gone into retard mode, and that the captain's radar altimeter had suddenly under-read. That could be part of the cause. However, it's all just speculation.

Wouldn't it be nice to expect accident investigation authorities to produce an authoritative report, free of political pressures, free of fears of litigation, and accurate. However the sceptic in me knows that the reports are slow to arrive, are often driven by political agendas of many kinds, and so rarely do anything to prevent similar accidents in the future.

It's so easy to simply say, "pilot error" and be done with it.

It's so easy to blame everyone and anyone.

It's so sad that in the end - all aircraft accidents are preventable. All it would take would be one break in the usual chain of events that lead to the mishap to prevent it. If the above speculation is true, the pressing of one button and flying the aircraft by hand would have prevented this particular tragedy. Too much reliance on technology, autopilots, auto-throttles, GPS or inertial navigation systems.. etc., have caused accidents and will continue to do so. Is it laziness? Is it a lack of attention?

Let's get back to basics, pilots, and for heaven's sake fly the aircraft!

See also Buffalo's accident! They didn't fly the aircraft!

Cheers